Posted 7:34 PM by Shane

I guess I wanted to write this entry down since I returned from my New Zealand trip, it was just that I couldn't find the right words to explain the mixed up feelings I had after the trip. Coupled with the mad rush of assignments and tests immediately after the week long break, I never had the chance to truly reflect upon myself and sort my thoughts out. An opportune break from everything gave me a moment of clarity, a chance for that capricious epiphany to finally dawn upon me.


Since I was a little boy, I have been brought up to strive to be the best in everything. Every test had to be 100%. If i got 99%, my competitors better not get 99.5% or I would be devastated. This feeling followed me through my primary school days until I got to GEP. There, surrounded by some of the smartest people in the country, I sort of gave up striving to be the best, because I simply wasn't as smart as i thought i would be, and it just took too much effort to work hard. Still, by cruising along, I managed to get decent results, and got into RI and later RJ. Still, i always had this nagging feeling at the back of my head, telling me that I shouldn't have given up so easily, that if I had worked a bit harder, I could have gotten any result I wanted, gone to any University I wanted. This sense of regret has, and still is plaguing me every day, either consciously or sub-consciously.

I am more aware of what it is now. I just couldn't let things go. Losing my wallet in New Zealand, I was left with not a single cent on me for half of the trip. Worse for me was losing some of my dearest possessions in the wallet; some memorabilia have followed me through my secondary school days, only to be lost to me forever in a moment of carelessness. It was like losing a part of me, losing some good old memory which will never come back again.

However, the days following the lost of my wallet, I've gradually come to realise something: you don't need heaps of money to have a great time! I am extremely grateful to all my good mates around me who showered me with heaps of support and care, offering to lend me some cash, buying me lunch without me asking them to, cheering me up with their crazy antics. That was when i truly realised, you don't really need much in life. You don't need too much cash, you just need enough to feed you. You don't need too much clothing, you just need enough to keep you warm. You don't need a fancy house, you just need a sunny patch of grass for you to lie on. These simple pleasures in life are all one needs to be truly happy.

"Let it go.'

That's what my mother told me when I called back with tears in my eyes telling her about my lost wallet.

"Just let it go."

It is only now that I understand how profound those simple words were. Just let myself go. When I jumped off the bridge in New Zealand with just a bungee cord attached to my legs, it was not only thrill and exhilaration I felt. I felt peace; I could leave everything in life behind and just throw myself into the wide open arms of the world. I felt peace; with just the sound of my voice, and the cool crisp mountain air in my face. I felt peace; that I was able to let myself go. To just let myself go.

Too often have I been dragging the baggage of my past around with me. It is easy to hide behind these baggage, and live life cowering in fear and regret. It is so much harder to step out from the shadows of my past, and bravely face the future as it comes my way.

I need to just let it all go.

It is not the end of one chapter, but the beginning of a fresh new one.

Live.

Posted 10:44 PM by Shane

Posted 9:01 PM by Shane

Posted 8:57 PM by Shane

Posted 8:47 PM by Shane
Freezing Down Under...

Anyone who thinks that Australia is a hot, arid wasteland, think again. It can be a cold, frigid wasteland as well. Or at least, Canberra is.

It is currently -2 degrees celcius outside now, but i'm warm and snug under my blankets, reading a nice book, having a hot cup of tea.

The simple pleasures in life.

I'm coming home in 2 weeks time. Wait for me, my beloved country, where its hot and stinking humid all year round. Pure bliss...

Posted 8:45 PM by Shane
Now that's what pure love + pure energy looks like.
I miss my dog... Sigh...

Posted 8:50 PM by Shane
The Wonders of Modern Technology.

A small little electronic device with a bright cheerful screen and 20 buttons can bring so much joy and comfort to life. The world is instantly smaller with the humble phone. The sound of your loved ones' voice over the phone instantly teleports them where ever you are.

You'll never be alone again.

Yet each conversation has to end, and the end brings about the reality that you're all alone, and the silence that follows exacerbates my feeling of loneliness.

Posted 7:57 PM by Shane
Rainy Days and Mondays

I will not shed tears on worthless things anymore.
Be strong my weeping heart.

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

Posted 12:30 PM by Shane
I'm finally back online! Never knew that the internet has become such an integral part of my life, and i feel so sad without it. Being connected has made my less connected.

Posted 11:25 AM by Shane
RI is now a sad place. The RI I once knew is gone.

You can tell a lot about a school from how the school is built. When a school is designed and built with love, you can feel the love immediately once you step into the school. RGS is built with love. NYGH is built with love.

RI was built with love.

Has anyone seen the new RI extension at the hall? I think some quirky architect who designed the new RJ must have had some leftover material, and decided, "Hey, why don't we randomly pick a spot to use up these material?"

*closes eyes and points...

"Ah! a perfect spot indeed! Its beside the hall so we don't have to tear down the entire hall, it adds a foyer to the middle of nowhere so people will not use it, it encloses the canteen so RI boys will spend less time relaxing in the canteen and more time studying, and it can still be seen from the whole stretch of Bishan Road, so my masterpiece can be appreciated. Perfect!"

The new extension is a monstrosity. The architect who designed it ought to be shot and hanged. It totally does not fit in with the RI theme. It looks as if someone teleported a concrete block right in the middle of the Albert Hong Hall.

I'm sick and tired of all these mindless construction. It is necessary to add space for students, but i'm sure RI has sufficient funds to do so in a tasteful manner, and not add more concrete prisons for the students? Is RI going to become just another school, where it is just another place for students to study in?

RI was a family to me. I cherished every single day I went there, not just to study, but to learn. To learn about friendship and respect. To learn about honour and integrity. To learn how to love the school more everyday, and to be loved in return. RI is not just a place where mindless students cram for exams everyday, it is a place where boys learn to become gentlemen, where budding talents are allowed to blossom, where the top students in Singapore can be who they are, and not be ostracised just because they are "special". RI students should be proud of the fact that they are in RI. Screw you, talkingcock.com, but RI is indeed an exclusive school where not everybody is able to join. It is a school where only the smartest students in Singapore can join, no matter what their economic status is, no matter what their race or religion is. RI students should be proud of this fact, and hold their heads high when they walk out on the streets. However these days, when I walk past an RI student with his shirt tucked out, uniform a shit fight, I can't tell if he is from RI, Chung Cheng High or SJI anymore. There is no more pride.

There is no more pride.

Pride comes from the school itself. We have 184 years of history to pride ourselves upon.
For a start, stop building concrete prisons for our students.

Posted 11:15 AM by Shane
Amazing. I first started this blog in 2003... 4 years have passed us by just like that.

I'm trying to find something intelligent to say
But nothing comes out of my mind
Wisps of ideas float around
Untouchable