I guess I wanted to write this entry down since I returned from my New Zealand trip, it was just that I couldn't find the right words to explain the mixed up feelings I had after the trip. Coupled with the mad rush of assignments and tests immediately after the week long break, I never had the chance to truly reflect upon myself and sort my thoughts out. An opportune break from everything gave me a moment of clarity, a chance for that capricious epiphany to finally dawn upon me.


Since I was a little boy, I have been brought up to strive to be the best in everything. Every test had to be 100%. If i got 99%, my competitors better not get 99.5% or I would be devastated. This feeling followed me through my primary school days until I got to GEP. There, surrounded by some of the smartest people in the country, I sort of gave up striving to be the best, because I simply wasn't as smart as i thought i would be, and it just took too much effort to work hard. Still, by cruising along, I managed to get decent results, and got into RI and later RJ. Still, i always had this nagging feeling at the back of my head, telling me that I shouldn't have given up so easily, that if I had worked a bit harder, I could have gotten any result I wanted, gone to any University I wanted. This sense of regret has, and still is plaguing me every day, either consciously or sub-consciously.

I am more aware of what it is now. I just couldn't let things go. Losing my wallet in New Zealand, I was left with not a single cent on me for half of the trip. Worse for me was losing some of my dearest possessions in the wallet; some memorabilia have followed me through my secondary school days, only to be lost to me forever in a moment of carelessness. It was like losing a part of me, losing some good old memory which will never come back again.

However, the days following the lost of my wallet, I've gradually come to realise something: you don't need heaps of money to have a great time! I am extremely grateful to all my good mates around me who showered me with heaps of support and care, offering to lend me some cash, buying me lunch without me asking them to, cheering me up with their crazy antics. That was when i truly realised, you don't really need much in life. You don't need too much cash, you just need enough to feed you. You don't need too much clothing, you just need enough to keep you warm. You don't need a fancy house, you just need a sunny patch of grass for you to lie on. These simple pleasures in life are all one needs to be truly happy.

"Let it go.'

That's what my mother told me when I called back with tears in my eyes telling her about my lost wallet.

"Just let it go."

It is only now that I understand how profound those simple words were. Just let myself go. When I jumped off the bridge in New Zealand with just a bungee cord attached to my legs, it was not only thrill and exhilaration I felt. I felt peace; I could leave everything in life behind and just throw myself into the wide open arms of the world. I felt peace; with just the sound of my voice, and the cool crisp mountain air in my face. I felt peace; that I was able to let myself go. To just let myself go.

Too often have I been dragging the baggage of my past around with me. It is easy to hide behind these baggage, and live life cowering in fear and regret. It is so much harder to step out from the shadows of my past, and bravely face the future as it comes my way.

I need to just let it all go.

It is not the end of one chapter, but the beginning of a fresh new one.

Live.